


Robot Ninjas are Cool

by Light7



Series: Robot Ninja's are... [1]
Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Discovery, Emotionally Repressed, Murderface has a good idea, Nathan in denial about finding things cute or nice, Play Fighting, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Toki is cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Light7/pseuds/Light7
Summary: How would the Nathan react to finding out his ‘Robot’ manager is secretly a badass.
Series: Robot Ninja's are... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2145789
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Post The Metalocalypse has begun, but before Season two, aka between seasons one and two.

Nathan was confused and didn’t know how to express it.

Confusion was not an unfamiliar experience for Nathan, nor was the inability to articulate his thoughts in a manner he was happy with. Usually, in situations like this, he would wrestle with the matter for a few minutes, and either get bored and give up or brute force his way through it. But this current situation, Nathan could see, would require something more.

It was Ofdensen.

Or rather, it was what Toki and Skwisgaar were saying about him. They hadn’t shut up about it the entire way home after the concert. It had irritated Nathan, Pickles and Murderface, they’d seen a guy’s eyes burst and his intestines explode, their way out of his mouth. It was way more metal than getting saved by Ofdensen. Hell, getting saved by Ofdensen was gay. The guy was a shrimp, a pencil pushing robot shrimp. If Skwisgaar and Toki needed saving by the admin guy, then they were wimps.

Except Nathan kind of believed them when they denied his accusation.

“Nah, he was cool!” Toki chimed. “Like a super ninja.”

“He was badass,” Skwisgaar agreed. “Though I would have saved us if I had to.”

“No way you could have done that,” Toki was over excited. He jumped up and tried to re-enact what had apparently happened. It looked like he was fighting invisible bees. “Then he,” Toki, jerked one of his arms up. “and then.” He did a poor rendition of a roundhouse kick. “and splash, the dildo was in the river.”

“Sounds like bullshit,” Pickles said shivering beside Nathan. “Ofdensen is a square, a total pencil pusher. Couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag.”

“But he did!” Toki yelled. And so, the debate raged on the entire way home. It stopped once they got home, and Ofdensen made a reappearance with offers of food and alcohol. Nathan had gone inside with the boys, he wanted hot food, about 600 beers and then his bed. He managed about 15 beers before the combination of burgers, beer, and stress pushed him to fall asleep on the sofa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short starting Chapter I’m afraid, but this is just the set up. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please review, I’d love to hear what you think of the chapter.  
> For information on published works and upcoming projects, release dates, as well as weekly blogs, check out [my website](https://katiemarie21.wordpress.com)


	2. Chapter 2

When Nathan woke up things seemed relatively normal. No one was talking about the concert. Skwisgaar was lounging in one of the oversized chairs with his guitar, Murderface was babbling nonsense to someone on the phone, Pickles and Toki were missing. Not being concerned, Nathan hauled himself to his feet, wincing at the ache pretty much everywhere on his body, and headed to his rooms for a much-needed shower.

He emerged an hour later, clean and once again hungry.

The kitchen smelled of burning plastic again. Toki and Pickles sat at the table to engaged in their debate to notice Nathan heading in and grabbing a deluxe-sized bag of chips.

“So, what do you suggest?” Pickles said as Toki shot down his last comment.

“I thinks we should follows him around the Haus,” Toki said.

“That’s boring,” Pickles said. “He lives in his office and does paperwork.”

“I’m not finished,” Toki said. “We test him.”

“Test how?” Pickles said.

“With treats,” Toki said.

“You mean traps?” Pickles said. Toki nodded.

“So, your plan is to trap him?” Pickles did not sound convinced.

“Yes,” Toki said, grinning. “We force him to do ninja stuff again and you’ll see I’m right and you’ll owe me…” Toki hesitated for a moment. “Six new models.”

“You mean supermodels, sluts?” Pickles said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“No, I mean models, I finished my last one.”

Nathan who had been shovelling chips into his face like it was going out of style couldn’t help a small smile which was instantly stopped as soon as he noticed his face moving. Toki was a sweet goofball sometimes.

“You guys made a bet?” Nathan asked. They finally turned to acknowledge him and nodded.

“Yeah,” Toki said. “I’m gonna prove Ofdensen is a ninja, Pickles says he’s not. If I lose, I have to give Pickles my pudding for six weeks and if I win, then Pickles is going to buy me a new model.”

“I don’t want your damn pudding,” Pickles muttered. “If I win, you pay me like any respectable bet.”

“How much?” Nathan asked.

“I don’t know, fifty bucks?” Pickles said.

“I’m in,” Nathan said.

“On whose side?” Toki said. Nathan quickly crushed the tiny spark of empathy that rose at the hopeful expression on Toki’s face.

“Pickles,” he said. Toki had a moment of looking crestfallen before determination took its place.

“Fine,” he huffed. “But I want two models from each of you when I win.”

And so, operation stalking Charles began.

Initially, the operation was a complete failure. Pickles was right, all Ofdensen seemed to do was sit around in his office. The entire morning had been them waiting outside of his office door for him to leave.

“This is boring,” Toki said.

“We gotta spice it up a bit,” Pickles said, standing up from the crouched position he was in behind one suit of armour lining the hallway. “Come on,” Pickles marched with purpose towards the office door and kicked it. The door was sturdy and didn’t give under the frankly pathetic kick, but it resulted in them getting a tired sounding “enter,” from the other side.

Ofdensen’s office was big and comfortable. It had the faint hint of cigar smoke and the swords on the wall were brutal. Nathan stood behind pickles and Toki as they fell into the two chairs in front of the desk and made themselves comfortable.

“Is there a problem, boys?” Ofdensen said.

“No,” Pickles said. “We just wanted to check and see how things were going after yesterday.” Ofdensen’s expression said he didn’t believe that for a moment. Pickles leaned forward and picked up one of the brandy glasses on the desk before making a show of fumbling with the glass. It dropped on its side and slowly rolled towards Ofdensen. They watched it roll slowly in silence until it reached the edge and was rescued.

“Everything is fine,” Ofdensen set the glass to rights. “Turns out that the concert went better than expected. We must replace a lot of the rank and file, but nothing out of budget.”

“That’s good,” Toki said. “So… uh, what yous doing today?”

“Same thing I do every day, Toki,” Ofdensen said. “Damage control and trying to encourage you to work on a new album.”

They beat a hasty retreat after Ofdensen mentioned work.

“Well that proved nothing,” Pickles said as they made their way down the hall.

“He caught the glass,” Toki said.

“It was rolling slower than Murderface’s granddad,” Pickles muttered.

“What if we do something more,” Toki paused, struggling for the word. “You know bigger, showier,”

“You mean set something up?” Pickles said. Toki nodded. “How do we get him to go to it though, dude lives in his office?”

“He gotta pee sometime,” Toki said.

The bathroom prank, Nathan had to admit, was good. They set it up in Ofdensen’s personal bathroom and it involved one of the yard wolves. The wolf killed a klokateer by the time they got it in there, but that was fine. The other two klokateers cleaned it up before Ofdensen arrived.

It was only after Ofdensen had gone inside that Nathan realised this was a terrible idea. If they lost Ofdensen who would do the paperwork? Not only that, Ofdensen had always been there. If he got mauled by a damn wolf then…

“I don’ts hear anything?” Toki said.

“Me neither,” Pickles said.

“Guys this is a bad idea,” Nathan stood up from where the three of them were hiding behind yet another suit of armour. He ran forward and kicked the door. His kick was far more successful than Pickles’ had been and the door flew open.

Inside stood a completely unharmed and rather peeved looking Ofdensen and a wolf that looked like it had just received the worst scolding of its life. Ofdensen had somehow put a lead on the damn thing and once the door was open, he handed the lead to a klokateer.

“Put that back outside,” he commanded, then turned to Nathan. “Should I ask why you felt the need to kick down my door?”

“Uhh, no,” Nathan said before beating the second hasty retreat of the day.

The next prank involved butter in the kitchen. Nathan liked this prank better than the last one as this one, if it worked, would only wound the manager, he could still take care of them wounded. Toki spread butter all over the kitchen floor, and the three of them sat at the table and waited for Ofdensen to take his lunch break.

“I’m telling you; he will not come in here,” Pickles said after half an hour. “Dudes a fucking robot, he doesn’t eat.”

“He ate the cookies I made,” Toki said. “Said they were great, but that it was sugar in cookies, not salt.”

“You put salt in cookies?” Nathan winced.

“Yup, misread the package,” Toki muttered. “Ofdensen said they were nice though; he ate three of them.” The look of pride on the Norwegian’s face was painful.

“See dudes a robot, no human would eat three salt cookies,” Pickles said.

“Except maybe Murderface,” Nathan muttered.

“You guysh talking about me!” Murderface crowed as he entered the kitchen.

“Murderface wait!” Pickles shouted, getting up as Murderface stepped forward onto the butter. Nathan put his head in his arms, ready for the thump and the inevitable pity party Murderface would throw himself after learning he’d been the victim of a prank.

But neither came.

Nathan looked up and noticed Murderface had slipped, but he’d not hit the ground. They had caught him, Ofdensen had come in behind Murderface, carrying a stack of papers, and somehow caught him without dropping the papers. However, Pickles still ran forward’s right into the butter, his feet going out from under him. Nathan groaned as Pickles face planted onto the ground.

“Why is there butter all over the floor?” Ofdensen said.

“Toki dropped it,” Pickles said, his voice muffled against the floor.

The last prank involved crossbows and string. They had the klokateers set up three crossbows, all set to fire when the string was pulled. That way they could control the prank and it couldn’t be triggered by anyone but them. It embarrassed Nathan to admit that it was Murderface’s idea, and it was good. After the butter incident, they’d explained to Murderface what they were doing, and he’d insisted on becoming involved. His hoard of weapons, however, proved useful for the prank.

“You shee, when Ofdensen comes passed, then you pull the shtring and boom, crossbows.” Murderface sounded utterly gleeful. “I’m a geniush.”

“He won’t die, will he?” Toki said.

“Thought you said he was a ninja?” Pickles said.

“Yeah but …he won’t, right?” Toki muttered.

“You’re the one who put a yard wolf in his bathroom,” Nathan pointed out.

“Yeah, but he was fine, the wolf was just embarrassed.”

“Wait, Ofdensen fought a yard wolf?” Murderface said.

“No,” Nathan mutter. “He just told it off or something, the damn thing looked pathetic.”

“Metal,” Murderface admitted.

“Still proved nothing,” Pickles said. “It’s not ninja to tell wolves off, you gotta kick their asses.”

“Better than your idea to roll a glass gently towards him!” Toki snapped.

“That would have worked if the glass was faster,” Pickles snapped

“Boys?” Ofdensen blurted behind them. The sudden arrival of their manager made all the boys jump and Nathan, who was holding the string, all but flew upwards pulling the string so hard that not only did all the bolts release but the crossbows all got pulled to face them.

They were fucked.

One bolt landed an inch from Pickles’ shoe, causing the drummer to squeal. One went through Murderface’s hair and the third was heading right for Toki’s head. But it never connected. Nathan opened his eyes, not realising he’d closed them, expecting to see a dead Toki. Instead, the bolt had been stopped by Ofdensen’s hand. He hadn’t caught the bolt, but he’d got his hand between it and Toki. The bolt had gone through and was stuck his palm.

“Brutal,” Nathan said.

“You saves me!” Toki wrapped his arms around Ofdensen’s shoulders, the manager looking awkward almost patted Toki with his injured hand.

“Um, yes,” Ofdensen said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need a trip to the medical ward.” His voice was perfectly level, his normal conversational tone, just listening to him you’d never know he’d just received a rather brutal looking injury.

“Uh, you want us to take…” Nathan started. Ofdensen held up his good hand.

“No, that’s alright, but maybe you should put your energy into a record rather than whatever today has been.” And with that, he walked off in the elevator's direction.

“Ok that was badass,” Pickles said.

“How many models was it Toki?” Nathan sighed. Toki’s face lit up.

They had settled the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please review, I’d love to hear what you think of the chapter.  
> For information on published works and upcoming projects, release dates, as well as weekly blogs, check out [my website](https://katiemarie21.wordpress.com)


	3. Chapter Three

Except it wasn’t.

It took Nathan three weeks after Ofdensen getting hurt to realise it was bothering him and a further two weeks for him to admit it to himself and try to resolve the issue. He tried resolving it with beer and women for another week, but that didn’t help. Another week was spent awkwardly making excuses to talk to Ofdensen, and it was only at the end of that week he tried to resolve the issue constructively.

He found Ofdensen in the gym.

“I, uh, didn’t know we had a gym,” he said, walking in and stopping dead. Ofdensen was punching a hanging bag, wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and for a moment the sight broke Nathan’s brain.

“Oh, um, Nathan,” Ofdensen seemed just as unsettled as Nathan for a moment before regaining his composure. “Is something wrong?”

“Should you be doing that?” Nathan asked.

“What?” Ofdensen frowned.

“Punching stuff when your hand’s still,” Nathan gestured at his hand in a way he hoped communicated an injury.

“Oh, uh, probably not,” Ofdensen shrugged. “But it’s mostly healed now, sore. But I’m ah fine.”

“Good, I guess,” Nathan looked at his feet, feeling deeply uncomfortable. “Look, I came to uh talk to you,” Ofdensen said nothing but continued to stare at Nathan. “About what happened.”

“Uh ok,” Ofdensen gestured to the benches and Nathan followed him to sit down.

“Didn’t know we had a gym,” he muttered.

“You requested it when we first built Mordhaus,” Ofdensen explained. “I think you used it once, so I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been making use of it.”

“No, it’s fine. You’re not the guy I thought would use a gym though,” Nathan said.

“Lots of people use gyms, Nathan,” Ofdensen said. “But you wanted to talk to me?”

“Oh, uh yeah,” Nathan said. “Right. Well, Skwisgaar and Toki were talking about the night of the concert.”

“Which one?” Ofdensen said.

“Huh?”

“Which concert, you do a lot of them,” Ofdensen said.

“Oh, about six weeks ago, when the fans attacked us,” Ofdensen nodded. “Well, they kept on about it and on about it so we ended up making a bet and then there was butter and your hand and I’m still not sure they were right and…”

“Nathan,” Ofdensen interrupted. “I’m not following you.”

“Skwisgaar and Toki said you saved them,” Nathan said.

“Oh, yes, from the assassin.” Ofdensen nodded.

“They said he was huge, bigger than me, and you broke his arm, roundhouse kicked him into the river and spouted some badass quips.”

“Well, I uh,” Ofdensen was turning a delightful shade of pink.

“We didn’t believe them, so Pickles and Toki started a bet. They knocked glasses over, put wolves in your toilet, butter on the floor and the crossbows,” Nathan pointed at the palm of his hand.

“Why?” Ofdensen said.

“To see if you were a ninja or a robot,” Nathan shrugged. “Toki won the bet, but I still don’t know.”

“Don’t know what?” Ofdensen said.

“That you beat up that guy if he’s huge and you’re… well, you’re not. I mean, all you do is paperwork and…” he trailed off when Ofdensen started chuckling.

“Is that what’s been bothering you?” he asked, Nathan frowned. “You should have said.”

“Said what?” Nathan huffed.

“Nathan,” Ofdensen said.

“Charles,” Nathan snapped.

“Nathan, it’s my job to take care of you boys, I figured a long time ago that that would be from both physical and nonphysical threats. I’m well capable in both regards.”

“What are you saying?” Nathan didn’t like Ofdensen’s tone.

“I am a badass, Nathan,” Ofdensen smiled. “In all ways.” 

“Bullshit,” Nathan managed.

“You don’t believe me?” Ofdensen still had a small smile. “The fight me.” Nathan felt a spark of heat start at the top of his head and shoot like a bolt right into his gut, leaving a trail of heat and tingle behind it.

“What?” he said.

“You heard me,” Ofdensen stood up and took a few steps away. For a moment Nathan considered taking him up on his offer, then the image of one of his enormous hands connecting with Ofdensen’s face and crushing it filled his mind and he shook his head.

“No,” he said.

“No?” Ofdensen turned to face him. “That’s fine, I understand if you don’t want to.”

“No, I just…” Nathan felt his cheeks heat.

“I can imagine that your image would be important to you,” Ofdensen was saying. Nathan could hear the teasing in his tone and shook his head, it was rare that Ofdensen did this, but the diminutive man had teased him a few times in the past. It was a side of his personality that didn’t come to the fore much, and Nathan had never seen Charles tease any of the others, only him.

“You’re trying to get me to fight you,” he said, also standing.

“You should take your shoes off first,” Ofdensen said. “You’ll slip on the mats and there’s no need to give me yet another advantage.” Nathan snorted a laugh; the cheeky fucker was going to get his ass handed to him. Nathan toed off his shoes and came to stand across from Ofdensen on the mats.

“You can’t hold this against me when I make you eat this mat,” Nathan couldn’t help the smile on his face.

“Oh, I think ah you’ll be the one eating the mat,” Ofdensen said. Spreading his legs and crouching, Nathan frowned but shrugged it off and moved forward for the first hit.  
Ofdensen moved a few centimetres to the side faster than Nathan could track, so his hit didn’t connect. His wrist was grabbed and something hit him in his gut, knocking the wind out of him. He was on his back before he realised what had happened.

“Sorry was that fast?” Ofdensen’s voice practically dripped smugness. He offered Nathan a hand to his feet.

“Shut up,” Nathan took another strike and missed, and another, and another. “Stop dancing around!” he snapped.

“Ok,” Ofdensen nodded once and something connected hard with the back of Nathan’s knee, knocking him down again. Another hand up and another smug comment made Nathan snigger again. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Ofdensen have fun before. It made him want to get drunk with the guy, see what he was like when he got sloppy. His distraction allowed Ofdensen to get behind him and twist his arm around and pin it to his back in such a way that it felt like his shoulder might pop out.

“I give,” Nathan said and was instantly released. “What the hell,” he tried to rub feeling back into his hand.

“Growing up, I was ah always small,” Ofdensen said. “I grew up fighting guys who were bigger and stronger than me.”

“That gave you ninja skills?” Nathan said.

“No,” Ofdensen smiled again and sat down on the mat. “But I learned pretty quickly that if someone like you hit me, then I’d be, well it wouldn’t be good for me. So, I learned ways to not let that happen.”

“Oh,” Nathan sat next to him.

“You’ve got a lot of power, Nathan. But you need to learn how to focus it and use it. I might not always be here and you need to protect yourself.”

“See you’ve ruined it,” Nathan snapped. “That was fun and you gotta go bring it down like that.”

“Oh, uh, sorry,” Ofdensen said.

“You’re always going to be here,” Nathan stood up. “You have to always be here, so I don’t gotta learn shit.” He walked away, but stopped at the door and looked back at Ofdensen still sitting on the mat. “But that was fun, I’ll beat you next time.”

Ofdensen smiled as Nathan left.

Nathan went back up to the main sitting room, picking up a beer from the cooler and heading into the hot tub to join Pickles and Skwisgaar. His back and shoulder fucking hurt like hell now, he needed to soak that ‘play fight’ out of his muscles.

“Hey Nathans,” Skwisgaar said. “You look funny, where’s your shoes?”

“Oh,” Nathan realised he’d left his shoes in the gym. “Um don’t worry about it.”

“You ok?” Pickles said. Nathan nodded.

“Yeah, I just realised something,” he said. “Ofdensen, he’s not a robot or a ninja. He’s a ninja robot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please review, I’d love to hear what you think of the chapter.  
> For information on published works and upcoming projects, release dates, as well as weekly blogs, check out [my website](https://katiemarie21.wordpress.com)


End file.
